Mighty Morphin Cupcake Action!

Oh, I went there. And I stayed overnight, and ate everything in your fridge.

Not really.

But, I'm officially trying out recipes.

Yea, I made that shizzle. And you know what? It's awesome.

If I wasn't already getting married, you'd probably propose.

Vanilla cupcakes with butter-cream icing, topped with a delicate candy flower. I can't find fondant molds ANYWHERE. T___T I can find cutters, but those are boring. It's for lame fondant cooks. If I have to rob a culinary school, I swear I will. Really, how hard can the be to find? I went to Joanne Fabrics and Celebrations. Maybe I'll try Michaels this weekend.

That said, I bought fondant cutters and roll out fondant, but have done nothing with it yet. It seemed like a waste to put flat shapes on top cupcake frosting.

I cut my recipe in half to make only 12 of these little beauties. They turned out exceedingly well. Not too sweet, but not too plain. I've included the recipe at the end of this post.

Poof was no help at all. I don't know why I keep her around.

Here's the recipe for the Vanilla Cupcakes:

2 Cups Flour

1 1/2 Cups sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup shortening

1 cup milk (2%)

4 egg whites

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla


Butter-Cream Icing


1/2 cup shortening

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 cups confectioner's sugar

2 tablespoons milk

a pinch of awesome

Batter up- for cupcakes!

Things in the wedding word have quelled for me lately, though arguably I should be kicking it into high-gear about now. We are still in need of a photographer and a cake.

Wedding cakes are such a scam; the trend these days is to buy one made of Styrofoam, and then to serve sheet cakes to your guests. And this Styrofoam masterpiece you shell out for is for rent, so you have to return it a.s.a.p.

I suppose it doesn’t help that every cake I see on display locally looks dumb. They look like they were modeled in the 1960’s and never updated. I suppose that says something about my location.

But I have this dream of a cupcake tower. I've been debating the Cupcake v.s. Cake scenario for a while. I seriously do just want a buttload of cupcakes!

The bride and groom cut the little cake on top, and then the reception horde converges upon the tasty treats. Chocolate, vanilla- your choice. Fantasy?

Welp, while I'm dreaming, I'd like to just put this idea out there. I want to do it. Enlist the help of willing bridesmaids, and decorate cupcakes whith butter-cream icing. I got into this today; I looked up recipes and instructional how-to videos.

Making fondant cake flowers looks easy enough, heck, tons easier than I thought it would be.



This video shows how to apply frosting without any of those bumps and air bubbles.




It looks doable; and it's probably a heck of a lot cheaper than a cake. I'd have to do some serious pricing, but making your own cake mix always costs next to nothing.

-I'd order fancy cupcake wrappers; this one runs for $30.00 a set.

-Order pre-made fondant, which runs about $14.00 for 2 lbs. More than enough to make some little cake flowers!

And then make the icing. There are great recipes out there, ones that I have even tried before, so I'm not wholly unschooled. Am I dreaming? So far I have no support. Oh well. Look at the pretty pictures.

What Models Make you not Want to Wear

I imagine that there is nothing funnier than a wedding dress model taking a nosedive off of the runway.

If I opened a bridal salon, my logo would be:

“Getting married in style? You might not make it up the aisle!”

I went to a bridal show this past weekend. Line after line of poor, terrified girls waddling down the runway with 3-inch heels and mermaid gowns was enough to make me hope. A few of them tripped rather spectacularly. Why would you want to wear something you can’t even walk in?

The girls I saw looked scared. The girls in magazines? They all look ticked. I imagine the cameraman says something like "you smell a pungent odor...great, baby hold it!”

Or, they just look downright astonished.

My dress, I’m proud to say, is very comfy and certainly easy to get around in. It’s much more traditional looking than the modern, off-the shoulder stuff you see today. It has puffed sleeves. I know what you're thinking, but it's not as bad as say, this:

And no matter what I can't look this bad:

Name Changing Does not Have to be Sexist.

I’m relinquishing my name and taking my husband’s. This decision compels other people to either look at me with surprise or complete disgust. Some women act like I’ve betrayed their cause.

The following quote is from a blogger that I really respect; she advocates practical wedding spending, and wholesome FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) practices. But this is what she had to say about name-changing:

I cannot bring myself to conform to the patriarchal system that forces women to give up their names. It stems from a history of men being in charge of the family. As an American studies major and women and gender studies minor in college, I knew I wasn't going to take my partner's name because I couldn't support and perpetuate a sexist tradition. I had a vague idea that we could both take a new name. We would be Bradford + Cotner = Bradner or Cotner + Bradford = Cotford. Or we would take a completely new name based on an author we like or a place we've visited.
2000 Dollar Wedding Blog


I don’t see how taking my husband’s name makes me conform to some evil man-society that wants to put me down. Let’s think about this for a second. Your name is your father’s name, and he’s a man. Was he sexist for giving you his name? The simple answer is no, but sometimes the obvious is overlooked.

When women refuse to change their name after they get married, I often wonder why they’d rather honor their father, and not their own husband. In the end it’s a choice between two men. Your father gives you away at your wedding, a symbolic gesture that signifies you leaving his family and starting your own.

I’ve always harbored the suspicion that hard-core feminists have warped daddy-issues.

I suppose this boils down to how you perceive the family unit. “Patriarchal” is a word that has a nasty ring to it these days, and I don’t think it has to. I find comfort in the fact that my husband will always support me and any children we have. Marriage is an equal partnership, and a common name reinforces the solidity of the family.

Plus, hyphenating is just dumb. Are you going to send your poor kid out there with a name like “Conrad-Harris” who will then marry a “Smith-Ferrel”, and their kids will become some freak of linguistics like “Conharrsmithferrel?”

Point is, everyone has a man’s last name, and there’s no getting away from it, ever. Unless you want to go back in time to 456 B.C. and pitch a camp at the Isle of Lesbos. How long did that last? Oh yea.

Naked Ice Sculptures

Imagine it.

Michelangelo's David, sculpted in ice, at my wedding reception.

But it would have to be done right; otherwise, what's the fun?

Like this sculpture. It's nice, I guess. But they don't show his fun parts.

Again, I say. What would be the point?

Terrible Bed, Bath & Beyond

So for those of you who know and care, we’re in the middle of the playoffs. Like, those football ones. I don’t care, and never have, but I’m constantly being confronted by it this year. And where I come from, {or at least, according to my fiancé and his family} you either love the Steelers or die.

Now, this Terrible Towel thing- I don’t understand at all. Is it supposed to be cool? Because if so, I think they need to commission a line of terrible bath products: The Terrible Toothbrush, The Terrible Toilet Cover, and {my favorite} The Terrible Shower Mat.

One of my best friends is getting married this summer, and I’m in her wedding. Her colors? Black and yellow. She is in no way, shape, or form a Steelers fan. You’d probably insult her if you mentioned it. She likes black because it’s formal, and thinks that yellow will be a nice accent. But there’s no escaping it. Apparently, {no joke} there are Steelers weddings. You can get decorations, cake toppers, and garters. {Terrible cake toppers?}

A football-themed wedding sort of gives me the creeps; I'm not going to lie. It reaches a new level of idolatry. It’s funny at first, and then when I think about it I get sad. I know that most people think that weddings are a joke- so be as ridiculous as possible! There is a lot of nonsense involved in the preparations. So why add to it by making your big day a total joke?

Don't make your wedding a "Terrible Wedding."

Registry Strike-Out

I think people would rightly soil themselves if they saw the china pattern we originally put on our registry. We went into Bed Bath & Beyond, and they pulled out a book full of patterns with no prices next to them. Why? Oh, they say, they are all around the same price. They tell us to pick one we like, so we do.

And then we find out that it’s $100.00 a place setting. We wanted 8 settings. We spent a good amount of time looking for something else, and replaced it with a pattern that’s around $79.99 a setting. That doesn’t include platters or anything, but I’ve resigned myself to hunting down the rest of the set throughout our marriage. One platter alone costs around $170.00, so maybe not. I’ll probably buy food instead.

It's a pretty pattern: Cocoa Blossom by Mikasa.

And here is one of the platters. They are much more detailed and aesthetically pleasing.

My fiancé's parents went on and on about how they got such a good deal on their china set, and then said “but we’ve never used it in the 26 years we’ve been married.” Which begs the question: why? I suppose having nice chnia is just one of those symbolic things about forming a new household. Or maybe just something to scream at your kids about when they break a plate.