Name Changing Does not Have to be Sexist.

I’m relinquishing my name and taking my husband’s. This decision compels other people to either look at me with surprise or complete disgust. Some women act like I’ve betrayed their cause.

The following quote is from a blogger that I really respect; she advocates practical wedding spending, and wholesome FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) practices. But this is what she had to say about name-changing:

I cannot bring myself to conform to the patriarchal system that forces women to give up their names. It stems from a history of men being in charge of the family. As an American studies major and women and gender studies minor in college, I knew I wasn't going to take my partner's name because I couldn't support and perpetuate a sexist tradition. I had a vague idea that we could both take a new name. We would be Bradford + Cotner = Bradner or Cotner + Bradford = Cotford. Or we would take a completely new name based on an author we like or a place we've visited.
2000 Dollar Wedding Blog


I don’t see how taking my husband’s name makes me conform to some evil man-society that wants to put me down. Let’s think about this for a second. Your name is your father’s name, and he’s a man. Was he sexist for giving you his name? The simple answer is no, but sometimes the obvious is overlooked.

When women refuse to change their name after they get married, I often wonder why they’d rather honor their father, and not their own husband. In the end it’s a choice between two men. Your father gives you away at your wedding, a symbolic gesture that signifies you leaving his family and starting your own.

I’ve always harbored the suspicion that hard-core feminists have warped daddy-issues.

I suppose this boils down to how you perceive the family unit. “Patriarchal” is a word that has a nasty ring to it these days, and I don’t think it has to. I find comfort in the fact that my husband will always support me and any children we have. Marriage is an equal partnership, and a common name reinforces the solidity of the family.

Plus, hyphenating is just dumb. Are you going to send your poor kid out there with a name like “Conrad-Harris” who will then marry a “Smith-Ferrel”, and their kids will become some freak of linguistics like “Conharrsmithferrel?”

Point is, everyone has a man’s last name, and there’s no getting away from it, ever. Unless you want to go back in time to 456 B.C. and pitch a camp at the Isle of Lesbos. How long did that last? Oh yea.

Naked Ice Sculptures

Imagine it.

Michelangelo's David, sculpted in ice, at my wedding reception.

But it would have to be done right; otherwise, what's the fun?

Like this sculpture. It's nice, I guess. But they don't show his fun parts.

Again, I say. What would be the point?

Terrible Bed, Bath & Beyond

So for those of you who know and care, we’re in the middle of the playoffs. Like, those football ones. I don’t care, and never have, but I’m constantly being confronted by it this year. And where I come from, {or at least, according to my fiancé and his family} you either love the Steelers or die.

Now, this Terrible Towel thing- I don’t understand at all. Is it supposed to be cool? Because if so, I think they need to commission a line of terrible bath products: The Terrible Toothbrush, The Terrible Toilet Cover, and {my favorite} The Terrible Shower Mat.

One of my best friends is getting married this summer, and I’m in her wedding. Her colors? Black and yellow. She is in no way, shape, or form a Steelers fan. You’d probably insult her if you mentioned it. She likes black because it’s formal, and thinks that yellow will be a nice accent. But there’s no escaping it. Apparently, {no joke} there are Steelers weddings. You can get decorations, cake toppers, and garters. {Terrible cake toppers?}

A football-themed wedding sort of gives me the creeps; I'm not going to lie. It reaches a new level of idolatry. It’s funny at first, and then when I think about it I get sad. I know that most people think that weddings are a joke- so be as ridiculous as possible! There is a lot of nonsense involved in the preparations. So why add to it by making your big day a total joke?

Don't make your wedding a "Terrible Wedding."

Registry Strike-Out

I think people would rightly soil themselves if they saw the china pattern we originally put on our registry. We went into Bed Bath & Beyond, and they pulled out a book full of patterns with no prices next to them. Why? Oh, they say, they are all around the same price. They tell us to pick one we like, so we do.

And then we find out that it’s $100.00 a place setting. We wanted 8 settings. We spent a good amount of time looking for something else, and replaced it with a pattern that’s around $79.99 a setting. That doesn’t include platters or anything, but I’ve resigned myself to hunting down the rest of the set throughout our marriage. One platter alone costs around $170.00, so maybe not. I’ll probably buy food instead.

It's a pretty pattern: Cocoa Blossom by Mikasa.

And here is one of the platters. They are much more detailed and aesthetically pleasing.

My fiancé's parents went on and on about how they got such a good deal on their china set, and then said “but we’ve never used it in the 26 years we’ve been married.” Which begs the question: why? I suppose having nice chnia is just one of those symbolic things about forming a new household. Or maybe just something to scream at your kids about when they break a plate.

Rings and Honeymoon Savings

So I really have to recommend the home-grown jeweler. The fiancé and I went to a local jeweler in his hometown over the New Year break. I don't know much about jewelry, but I'm wary of places like KING'S and KAY. It seems you pay more for the name than the quality.

We wanted white gold bands, but we were prepared to get something cheaper if the gold prices were as ridiculous as rumored. Gold is expensive these days!

We ended up with a pretty reasonable price. Being smaller people, we might have got lucky. I wear a size 4 and he wears a size 6 ¼. The total cost for both rings was $325.00. They had to order in custom sizes, so we expect to see the rings mid-January.

We also managed to book our New Orleans honeymoon hotel for a very reasonable price. With an AAA discount, we were able to book a nice room for only $80.00 a night. We’re keeping an eye out for reasonable flights in the meantime.